Monday, April 20, 2009

Summertime and the Livin's Easy!

Yes Sirree Bob it's that time of year again! The time of year when mother nature opens her legs exposing her beautiful warmth which we all know as the summertime. She unveils that sun light and warmth that we'd been missing throughout the cold shit-bag winter months. Make no mistake about it friends... the summer is finally here. With the mercury rising up to a sexy deuce deuce this coming Friday only to be outdone by an even sexier Jack Bauer(24) degrees Celsius on Saturday and finishing off at the 23 mark on Sunday I was more then a little excited/inspired to Blog it up about how jacked I am for the summer! Now kick back, put your feet up, throw your shades on and Enjoy bitches!
Summertime!!! Brad Nowell was a man who knew damn well what the hell he was talking about! The summertime is truly a time when the livin's easy. It's the time when we can all just take a deep breath and mellow out! The time when the trees bud, the grass greens, and the flowers grow. The women all retire their parka's and bust out those titty tops. The snow has all melted exposing all those damn cigarette butts that you were too lazy to throw out(DICK). It's the time when we set up our patios, open our pools and stock our coolers to the rim with Molson 50 and Old Milly. A time for hockey playoffs, minus the championship Leafs might I add who are clearly too cool to participate! A time for back yard parties where we kick out the jams, groovin' to the Hip, CCR, Skynyrd, the Stones, and of course Run DMC. Cool breezes and shade are key. Pool beers and sunglasses are a must! We play lawn darts with bottles of Export. We all gather to have BBQ's in which we fry up steaks and ribs that look like they were stolen straight off of a dinner plate in Bedrock. We take bites out of 2 day old burgers then come to the realization that they'd better serve as hockey pucks. Birthdays, holidays, long weekends = fireworks off the roof! Fishing off the dock, tubing, and 4am dance parties at the cottage are frequent occurrences. Camping out in the bush somewhere close to the lake where we get all lit up on Citronella, Jack, and Pabst then decide to declothe and show the rest of the campground how small our penis' really are is back in style. We play scratch golf, baseball, frisbee, and flip cup. The bushes are a great place to be felated! The Humber river is where we reconnect with our childhoods by playing Ghost Busters as we cross our pee streams. We lather each other up as gayly as possible making dick jokes as we attempt to fend off the return of Lobster Boy. Weekend afternoons are spent either on a back deck clinching an ice cold bottle of liquid gold, or at the Dome with an open lid meaning a juicy sunburn, cold crisp 20oz CL, bird shit on those nice blue seats, and a beat down of the AL East at the hands of the Jays under that beauty summer sun. We laze around on lawn chairs or in the grass with a good book. We lounge out with our pooch, taking our dog for frequent walks as we attempt to lure in members of the opposite sex. We throw on a random pair of slippers by the door and take out the trash in our boxers knowing that our neighbours are doing the exact same thing. We can break out the Chucks without getting frostbite in our toes for the first time in months or simply let our sock drawers collect dust as we rock out with sandals. We put our sweaters and toques away replacing them with nice white t-shirts and crisp baseball hats. Night time means we can huddle up in a beater or a hoody depending on our mood or internal temperature and eat potato salad next to the bon fires we've built. Mosquito and horse fly bites are comparable. Sun burns are funny until the next day. The smell of Aloe and Noxzema become quite familiar. Everyone returns from school, we take vacation time, leaving work early and "sick days" are the norm. Lazy afternoons and late nights/early mornings happen on a daily basis. I love the summer baby, 2009... The summer of Love, Amazing! BRING IT ON!!!! Somebody once told me that I am similar to car rims..... meaning that I'm rarely useful and essentially only good in the summer I guess. I of course strongly and rightfully disagree with this statement. My response to this comment: "The summertime is when I shine bitch!" Tell me that while reading through this you didn't crack a big ass smile or think "Fuck, I do that all the time" and I'll call you a filthy liar!
Peace Out Friends, I'll see you in the Sun Bitches!

1 comment:

lowball the magnificent (t-lo) said...

just tell them "I'm like a phat 20' rim cause nothin rolls with more steez when your girlfriend is riding on me!"