Monday, April 20, 2009

Summertime and the Livin's Easy!

Yes Sirree Bob it's that time of year again! The time of year when mother nature opens her legs exposing her beautiful warmth which we all know as the summertime. She unveils that sun light and warmth that we'd been missing throughout the cold shit-bag winter months. Make no mistake about it friends... the summer is finally here. With the mercury rising up to a sexy deuce deuce this coming Friday only to be outdone by an even sexier Jack Bauer(24) degrees Celsius on Saturday and finishing off at the 23 mark on Sunday I was more then a little excited/inspired to Blog it up about how jacked I am for the summer! Now kick back, put your feet up, throw your shades on and Enjoy bitches!
Summertime!!! Brad Nowell was a man who knew damn well what the hell he was talking about! The summertime is truly a time when the livin's easy. It's the time when we can all just take a deep breath and mellow out! The time when the trees bud, the grass greens, and the flowers grow. The women all retire their parka's and bust out those titty tops. The snow has all melted exposing all those damn cigarette butts that you were too lazy to throw out(DICK). It's the time when we set up our patios, open our pools and stock our coolers to the rim with Molson 50 and Old Milly. A time for hockey playoffs, minus the championship Leafs might I add who are clearly too cool to participate! A time for back yard parties where we kick out the jams, groovin' to the Hip, CCR, Skynyrd, the Stones, and of course Run DMC. Cool breezes and shade are key. Pool beers and sunglasses are a must! We play lawn darts with bottles of Export. We all gather to have BBQ's in which we fry up steaks and ribs that look like they were stolen straight off of a dinner plate in Bedrock. We take bites out of 2 day old burgers then come to the realization that they'd better serve as hockey pucks. Birthdays, holidays, long weekends = fireworks off the roof! Fishing off the dock, tubing, and 4am dance parties at the cottage are frequent occurrences. Camping out in the bush somewhere close to the lake where we get all lit up on Citronella, Jack, and Pabst then decide to declothe and show the rest of the campground how small our penis' really are is back in style. We play scratch golf, baseball, frisbee, and flip cup. The bushes are a great place to be felated! The Humber river is where we reconnect with our childhoods by playing Ghost Busters as we cross our pee streams. We lather each other up as gayly as possible making dick jokes as we attempt to fend off the return of Lobster Boy. Weekend afternoons are spent either on a back deck clinching an ice cold bottle of liquid gold, or at the Dome with an open lid meaning a juicy sunburn, cold crisp 20oz CL, bird shit on those nice blue seats, and a beat down of the AL East at the hands of the Jays under that beauty summer sun. We laze around on lawn chairs or in the grass with a good book. We lounge out with our pooch, taking our dog for frequent walks as we attempt to lure in members of the opposite sex. We throw on a random pair of slippers by the door and take out the trash in our boxers knowing that our neighbours are doing the exact same thing. We can break out the Chucks without getting frostbite in our toes for the first time in months or simply let our sock drawers collect dust as we rock out with sandals. We put our sweaters and toques away replacing them with nice white t-shirts and crisp baseball hats. Night time means we can huddle up in a beater or a hoody depending on our mood or internal temperature and eat potato salad next to the bon fires we've built. Mosquito and horse fly bites are comparable. Sun burns are funny until the next day. The smell of Aloe and Noxzema become quite familiar. Everyone returns from school, we take vacation time, leaving work early and "sick days" are the norm. Lazy afternoons and late nights/early mornings happen on a daily basis. I love the summer baby, 2009... The summer of Love, Amazing! BRING IT ON!!!! Somebody once told me that I am similar to car rims..... meaning that I'm rarely useful and essentially only good in the summer I guess. I of course strongly and rightfully disagree with this statement. My response to this comment: "The summertime is when I shine bitch!" Tell me that while reading through this you didn't crack a big ass smile or think "Fuck, I do that all the time" and I'll call you a filthy liar!
Peace Out Friends, I'll see you in the Sun Bitches!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Brain Dead Politics!

Okay, let me get this straight because I'm pretty sure the Afghan government just passed a law that gives the thumbs up to rape women. This new law states that it is ILLEGAL for Afghan women to refuse sex from their husbands and requires them to get a male relatives permission to leave the house? WOW, are you effin' kidding me?!! This is an enormous leap back in terms of women's rights and a complete mindfuck if you ask me!

The Taliban regime between 1996 and 2001 saw many rights taken away from Shia women. Since the fall of the Taliban regime the women of Afghanistan have been allowed to return back to work, the government no longer forces them to wear the all covering burqa, and they have been able to possess prominent positions in the government. Where as while the Taliban was still in power Afghan women were forbidden leave the house without a male escort, they were not allowed to work, they were not even allowed to seek medical help from a male doctor. Aside from this they were also forced to cover themselves from head to toe as well as covering their eyes. These are respectable women being taken from their jobs. Doctors, teachers, government officials suddenly forced to be beggars and prostitutes in order to feed their families. Now for some idiotic reason in which I don't believe will ever truly be understood the Afghan govenment has chosen to revert back to this. This is the most disturbing, disrespectful and absolutely disgusting thing I have ever heard of in my life. We are all God's creatures and we're all human beings, we should be treated as equals, without prejudice, without favouritism, without quarrel!

We have soldiers fighting and dying in Afghanistan every day in order to preserve these very rights and now this fucking asshole Afghan government legislates a Rape law? It seems that every time these women take a step forward there's somebody to push them 10 steps back. I mean, a law that gives a man the "RIGHT" to basically rape women and have it be justified...... seriously? "Have sex with me or you're under arrest". Is it just me or does this not sound like a bad Wes Craven movie, "Freddy's Worst Nightmare"! I'm really questioning humanity at this point, are we such savages that it has actually come to this?!

There was a public outcry aimed in the direction of government officials by a considerably small group of women, a small group of strong independent women with a big voice that is! About 300 women showed up at a demonstration in Kabul to protest outside of a Shia Mosque which was credited with helping to craft this ridiculous law. They were there to make it known that they weren't going to stand by and let these brain dead politicians take their rights away. Female police officers joined hands to form a human shield around the demonstrators. They were fighting for their rights as women, they were fighting for their rights as human beings. These women rouse up, they were beaten and pelted by the stones of Afghan men but stood their ground.

Lawrence Cannon(Canada's Foreign Affairs Minister) has said that Afghan officials assured him they would delete "contentious clauses" from the legislation. Afghan President Hamid Karzai has said that this law is under review and will not be implemented in its current form. A little too late if you ask me as this terrible law should never have been implemented in the first place. The government officials responsible for this law should all be pissed on and hung!

It's been nearly 1400 years since Islam demanded that men and women be equal before God. Apparently somewhere through the annals of time, equality along with human decency and basic morals must have flown out the window.
Peace Out My Human Homies!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The World Baseball Not So Classic......

It's been nearly a month now since the World Baseball Classic ended. I bet only a handful of people could tell me who won the championship let alone who was even involved in the tournament. I would bet top dollar that an even smaller group of people actually care.
I'm thinkin' that only the true "base-ballers" know the result of the 2009 World Baseball Classic.

The WBC is a brand spankin' new tournament instated in 2006 and is by many opinion possibly the most poorly organized and marketed tournament in the world. This being the second installment of the World Baseball Classic, players who may have showed slight interest in the first go-around have already turned their heads at what has become a tournament to frown upon. There's really no interest amongst MLB players to participate in the Classic, the WBC surely has a long hard road ahead of them if they plan to be anywhere near as successful as the World Cup of Soccer or even the World Cup of Hockey for that matter. The sheer hilarity behind the fact that countries can't land their top players brings the tournament into question right from the get go. Seems that this tournament is not so "Classic" after all.

Being the hardcore baseball junkie that I am, I sat by and cheered my country on for the second time in 3 years, still bitter about our early dismissal in '06 that is. I even cheered Korea on in their eventual loss to Japan in the finals. Come to think about it, it was truly a quite satisfying end to a tournament in which I believe to be a complete farce in terms of tournaments and a joke to the game of baseball. Granted, part of my anguish towards the tournament may be due to the disappointment myself and the rest of the Vottoholics felt when Joey Votto and Team Canada failed to win a game in the round robin. Although a great deal of my dismay is due to the overall organization or rather disorganization of this tournament. I'm not necessarily saying that the tournament isn't good for the game. I do believe capturing the attention of the World and expanding the game is always going to be a good thing. What I'm trying to say is that taking a bunch of players from around the world away from their respective clubs in the middle of spring training when they are trying to get back in the "swing" of things is not my idea of good tournament scheduling. My question to the WBC organizers is....wouldn't we get a much better product if the tournament was at the end of the MLB season sort of like the Pro Bowl in the NFL for instance? You would have 100% player focus and I'm willing to bet you would grab a lot more Major League interest.

Players are being asked to participate on the world stage after being idle for months, in my view this does not exactly make for the product that fans want to see. Why not take players who are in shape and mid season form, schedule this tournament after the World Series.... if nothing else this would at the very least bridge the gap between seasons for the die hard baseball fan. Spring training is a period when players are recovering from injury, getting in game shape, practicing and perfecting certain parts of their game with their respective clubs. I find the WBC takes away from a players ultimate goal which is to win a World Series Championship. Players dream of one day winning the World Series...... I seldom hear of kids playing in their yards shouting out Cuba wins the World Baseball Classic although I don't hang out in Cuban Yards all that often either.

Some of the best in the bizz bowed out or turned down offers from the 2009 Classic, these names include: Josh Hamilton, Ryan Howard, Alex Rodriguez, CC Sabathia, Brandon Webb, Cole Hamels, Josh Beckett, A.J. Burnett, Brad Lidge, Tim Lincecum, Roy Halladay, Jake Peavy, and Ben Sheets for the USA alone. Team Canada felt some of the same pain with Jason Bay declining a return to the Classic but the toughest blow was taken by Canuck pitching as Erik Bedard, Ryan Dempster, Jeff Francis, Rich Harden, Eric Gagne and most importantly Bryan Floyd were all out of the mix. This trend carried on throughout the tournament with the majority of "qualified" teams struggling to land their top dogs.

Marketing the World Baseball Classic around the MLB almost seemed unnecessary as some of the largest crowds were brought in by teams such as Japan, Korea, Venezuela... etc. It almost seemed that the teams with little to no Major League talent preformed the best in the tournament. Correct me if I'm wrong but from what i could see two of the best clubs definitely showed up in the finals further proving that the Pro's weren't needed. Japan faced off against Korea in a great bout, Goliath Vs. Goliath. These are clearly some of the most talented players in the world and they showed up in the finals of "America's" game, defying all odds. These two squads were full of heart, great players who just love the game of baseball. They weren't multi-million dollar earners with the exception of 5 of the 56 players involved including Ichiro Suzuki and Daisuke Matsuzaka. Seeing these two teams face off in the finals of a tournament which seemed to be heavily in favour of the Americans was justice to me! Lest we forget the round robin of the 2006 World Baseball Classic in which Team Canada and Team USA both had 2 wins a piece. Team Canada defeated the USA for one of their 2 wins but because of some last minute rule book corrections i.e. a little whiteout and a felt tip pen... the USA advanced leaving team Canada out of the tournament. Slightly shady if you ask me.

Japan and Korea should be in the finals of this tournament every year. In fact, they should boot the rest of the world out of the tournament and call it the Asia Classic! This tournament for the most part makes me want to vomit on my chest then take a nap. I have a sneaking suspicion that the World Baseball Classic was created for the USA to win every year as an attempt to rub their "baseball supremacy" in the rest of the worlds face. Turns out that plan backfired! I'd be extremely happy to see these two teams continue to keep that championship out of the USA's hands. Oh HELL YEAH!!!
Peace Out Peeps.